Life. It's unexpected and mysterious and always changing. And although we know their is a definite PLAN in place, one specifically directed by the hands of God, it's unknown to us - and so, we are ultimately walking by faith. And God doesn't promise us an easy road, as Matthew 5:45 says, "...For He gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the just and the unjust alike." Which means I'm not exempt from hurt - but the beauty of a relationship with the Lord, is I'm promised comfort, peace, and the knowledge that He will never burden me with more than I can handle.
When we made the decision to move to Reno last September, we knew we were making the right decision. God just aligned everything perfectly. We had a home there, with a renter who was moving out, and we had no doubts that Trei would find a job, and we would jump into a fairly bump-free life. See....that's what happens when two optimists are married to eachother. But that aside, our "plans" seemed feasible given the information we had at hand. So, we moved. We packed up our family of four and headed to Reno.
Only, it wasn't was a smooth road, it was littered with pot holes and cracks and giant hurdles. For the first four months, Trei couldn't find a job. He was out every single day, and literally could not. find. a. job. And we were burning through the small savings we had paying for our mortgage payment, and all the incidentals that arise from taking care of a home. Throw that into the mix with a car payment, insurance (both health and auto), gas, utilities (just the bare minimums too!), and then just the necessities (food,diapers, prescriptsions, toiletries, etc) - we were spent. Literally. And there were many nights we sat in bed questioning why God had brought us here. We knew He brought us to Reno, but we didn't know why.
As time went by, Trei started working. And then I started booking sessions. And we started the long, tiring journey up a very discouraging hill.
A few weeks ago, we had to make some decisions. We looked over our finances, we looked over our expenses - and something had to give in order for us to build a future. We knew our income wasn't going to change, but our expenses could. So it the matter of a 24 hour period, we gave up one of our cars, and signed the papers to short-sale our house (one we are very upside-down on). And in that 24 hour period I felt feelings of both defeat and liberation. Defeat, because we had worked SO hard to keep our home. Living in Newport, we busted our butts to pay both rent on our apartment in the OC AND make up the difference between our rental income and our mortgage payment (which at times was $900!!). And our car, it was purchased back when we were both working full-time, and had no idea what the future would hold. We made our payment every month, never late, and invested in the upkeep. And now, they were gone. But see, the liberation? It came from the knowledge that although we did everything in our power to hold onto these things, having them removed from our plate, opened us up to breathe. Giving us an opportunity for a blank slate - to begin building the foundation for our future.
And sometimes I wonder, why God even allowed us to move back into this house. Why all the work, and anticipation of being able to settle, when He knew we would be packing it back up within a year? The answer to that questions is still unknown, but see, I know that God has reasons that I cannot understand. And He has PURPOSE. A purpose that is way better than anything I can understand or imagine. So, I'm moving forward, and anticipating the journey, and reminding myself daily that this life is not my own, and that whole plan for my life? It's unfolding before me, and I'm making a choice to see the beauty in its mystery and the joy in its unknown. I'm choosing to not get attached to the material things that have no meaning or worth - but instead, to be thankful for my family, my friends, my health, My God. I know I've said it before, but those are all that really matter. And when I watched them drive off with my car or as potential buyers come looking to make MY home THEIR home - I am at peace. Because these things are just things. At night, when I sneak into my babies bedrooms and kiss their cheeks.....no one can take that from me. When I'm talking to God, and he turns my hurt into happiness and my fear into peace.....no one can take that from me either.
So life. It's never going to be predictable, and pretty, and comfortable. But God. He is constant. He is beautiful, and He is so very comfortable. And He gives this life meaning - and let me tell you, a life with meaning has a worth far greater than a car and a house.
Me
