La Vita E Bella

Life.

Life. It's unexpected and mysterious and always changing. And although we know their is a definite PLAN in place, one specifically directed by the hands of God, it's unknown to us - and so, we are ultimately walking by faith. And God doesn't promise us an easy road, as Matthew 5:45 says, "...For He gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the just and the unjust alike." Which means I'm not exempt from hurt - but the beauty of a relationship with the Lord, is I'm promised comfort, peace, and the knowledge that He will never burden me with more than I can handle.

When we made the decision to move to Reno last September, we knew we were making the right decision. God just aligned everything perfectly. We had a home there, with a renter who was moving out, and we had no doubts that Trei would find a job, and we would jump into a fairly bump-free life. See....that's what happens when two optimists are married to eachother. But that aside, our "plans" seemed feasible given the information we had at hand. So, we moved. We packed up our family of four and headed to Reno.

Only, it wasn't was a smooth road, it was littered with pot holes and cracks and giant hurdles. For the first four months, Trei couldn't find a job. He was out every single day, and literally could not. find. a. job. And we were burning through the small savings we had paying for our mortgage payment, and all the incidentals that arise from taking care of a home. Throw that into the mix with a car payment, insurance (both health and auto), gas, utilities (just the bare minimums too!), and then just the necessities (food,diapers, prescriptsions, toiletries, etc) - we were spent. Literally. And there were many nights we sat in bed questioning why God had brought us here. We knew He brought us to Reno, but we didn't know why.

As time went by, Trei started working. And then I started booking sessions. And we started the long, tiring journey up a very discouraging hill.

A few weeks ago, we had to make some decisions. We looked over our finances, we looked over our expenses - and something had to give in order for us to build a future. We knew our income wasn't going to change, but our expenses could. So it the matter of a 24 hour period, we gave up one of our cars, and signed the papers to short-sale our house (one we are very upside-down on). And in that 24 hour period I felt feelings of both defeat and liberation. Defeat, because we had worked SO hard to keep our home. Living in Newport, we busted our butts to pay both rent on our apartment in the OC AND make up the difference between our rental income and our mortgage payment (which at times was $900!!). And our car, it was purchased back when we were both working full-time, and had no idea what the future would hold. We made our payment every month, never late, and invested in the upkeep. And now, they were gone. But see, the liberation? It came from the knowledge that although we did everything in our power to hold onto these things, having them removed from our plate, opened us up to breathe. Giving us an opportunity for a blank slate - to begin building the foundation for our future. 

And sometimes I wonder, why God even allowed us to move back into this house. Why all the work, and anticipation of being able to settle, when He knew we would be packing it back up within a year? The answer to that questions is still unknown, but see, I know that God has reasons that I cannot understand. And He has PURPOSE. A purpose that is way better than anything I can understand or imagine. So, I'm moving forward, and anticipating the journey, and reminding myself daily that this life is not my own, and that whole plan for my life? It's unfolding before me, and I'm making a choice to see the beauty in its mystery and the joy in its unknown. I'm choosing to not get attached to the material things that have no meaning or worth - but instead, to be thankful for my family, my friends, my health, My God. I know I've said it before, but those are all that really matter. And when I watched them drive off with my car or as potential buyers come looking to make MY home THEIR home - I am at peace. Because these things are just things. At night, when I sneak into my babies bedrooms and kiss their cheeks.....no one can take that from me. When I'm talking to God, and he turns my hurt into happiness and my fear into peace.....no one can take that from me either.

So life. It's never going to be predictable, and pretty, and comfortable. But God. He is constant. He is beautiful, and He is so very comfortable. And He gives this life meaning - and let me tell you, a life with meaning has a worth far greater than a car and a house.

Me

Love is........

Love is Grand. It's Grand in the beginning stages. It's Grand in that first year of marriage. It's Grand as you approach 5 years of marriage. I can only imagine how grand it is 10, 20, 30, 50 years down the line. No wonder God says the greatest of these is Love.

I attended a wedding this weekend. Not only did I attend it, I was in it. And going to a wedding as a married person has added benefits. You see, I took the vows. I stood in front of Trei, and a room of people we love and I vowed to love, honor, and cherish. I promised to do this in sickness and in health. In the good times and in the bad. For richer or poorer. And I sealed them with a kiss. And these vows, they weren't just words. They were a contract. A commitment. A promise. They had meaning, and intention, and were from the deepest part of my heart. So weddings, they are a reminder of your own special day. And there is this unexpected feeling that rises up in you. A feeling of intense love for your own spouse.

It had been 8 days since I had last seen Trei. I was in Southern California visiting m family, working, and doing wedding stuff. He was in Reno, working, like a hard worker :) And suddenly, I saw him from the window of the bridal suite, and I was nervous. I was giddy like a little school girl. He looked so handsome in this shirt and tie. I just wanted to run out and kiss him - but I couldn't. The wedding was going to begin and I had to walk down the aisle.  When it was time, I nervously walked, looking for him in the crowd, and immediately felt at ease as soon as we locked eyes and he smiled. Well, as much at ease as I could considering my knees were knocking the whole time I was standing in the front. As I listened closely to the words Darren and Kayli spoke to eachother, my heart began to burst and my eyes welled up with tears. I was excited for the two of them, because I knew what crazy wonderful times they had ahead of them. But I was also overcome with an immense pride. These past 4 years and 9 months have been more than I could have ever hoped for. Even as Trei and I tread in unknown territories, and as we perservere in probably the most difficult time our marriage has seen - we are still married. We still kiss, hold hands, make love, and laugh. We still cheer eachother on, and know how to forgive. We don't hold grudges, and when we fight, we make up. We have endured almost 5 years of sickness and health, good times and bad, riches and flat brokeness, and two kids (which aren't part of the vows, but should be!!!) All the while loving, honoring, and cherishing. And that makes me proud. Because we've worked hard at love. We've worked hard at keeping those vows, and remaining committed to eachother and our family. We've worked hard at love. And the love just keeps getting better and better. You know how they say you never appreciate what you didn't have to work hard for? I'm sure Trei will agree with me, that we appreciate our love - because we've worked hard to make it as meaningful and glorious and breathtakingly beautiful as it is. 

 

...and so love is Grand. And weddings, where two people promise to dedicate their lives to loving eachother are also Grand.

...and you know what else is grand? That the man I first met almost 7 years ago, who has been my best friend ever since, can still make me weak in the knees. That is Grand!!

Love, Me